Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or even a work peer, figuring out how to interact with someone wrestling with depression can be overwhelming. Depression is a serious issue, and it’s all too easy to do more harm than good—even with the best of intentions. That said, it is important that you try to help, when it is warranted.

So, what should you do if someone you know is depressed?

Take the Time to Understand

It’s very important to know that depression is a very real and very serious mental illness. Many individuals struggling with depression aren’t even aware of it, and they certainly cannot control it. A depressed person is not lazy or unmotivated, nor are they being rude. When depressed, even the simplest task can seem overwhelming and beyond their capability.

It does take patience and quite a bit of understanding. Be aware that you cannot FIX someone’s depression. Treating depression typically requires therapy and medication. But educating yourself on how depression can present itself will help you interact with the person in the most supportive way possible.

Practice Active Listening

We’ve all heard—and likely winced—when someone suggests “Have you tried not feeling sad?” or, “Just get over it,” or, “Work through it!” Don’t be one of these people! These statements are often meant as encouragement, but they are not helpful, and instead add stress to an already-frustrated mind.

Your best means of gaining an understanding of the issue, and how best to help, is through active listening. This means giving the person your full attention, and trying to put yourself in their shoes. Take the time to understand the issues the individual is dealing with and how they feel. Empathize – simple comparison and understanding does far more than you may think. If you’re distracted, or only half-listening, the depressed person can feel as if no one cares about them. They tend to withdraw, and refuse further help. So make sure you listen to them!

Help Where You Can

Many people wrestling with depression don’t want to acknowledge that they have it, if they’re even aware of it in the first place. In these cases, they may need you to do some convincing for them. Let them know that they aren’t just sad, and that it’s okay to seek help so that they can handle it and regain control of their situation. There are many options for treatment, from medication to therapy. If they’re uncomfortable seeking these alone, encourage them further by offering to accompany them.

Let them know that they do not have to contend with the problem alone. You’re there for them, in whatever capacity they need you to be—a willing ear, a helping hand, or even simply as someone who gets it and wants to help.

Seek Further Help When Necessary

It’s important to know the signs of severe depression and suicidal ideation (considering or planning suicide). The most prominent are:

Listlessness and inactivity
Joking or making light of vanishing, dying, or “what ifs” about death
Extended periods of extreme stress or sadness
Giving away possessions
Long or unexplained periods of “disconnecting” from work or social life

If the depressed person you know shows some of the more serious signs of depression, or simply will not react to any outreach, know that seeking further help is your best option. Untreated depression is not going to cure itself, and it only gets worse with time.

If you feel under-equipped to deal with the situation, or are at a loss, do not hesitate to involve family and friends to help. More often than not, a network of support can do far more than a single person.

What Should You Do if Someone You Know is Depressed?